It rained. The last day of 2010. It seems like everything is coming to an end. Things feel relunctant......but they will have to go. This year, things changed. Interests...changed, personality...changed, attitude...changed, mindset...changed, life...changed.
Though there are many 'lows' this year, I'm glad that I have found my reason to live. It's okay to be unhappy. It's a driving force to make me continue striving. I want to learn as much as I can before my life reaches a conclusion. Life, is short. But I would want to, at least, be able to smile during my last few seconds. That's the kind of ending that I want.
2010 is reaching its end just like how the previous years did. However, I don't think I would forget this particular year called 2010.
You are fading away along with the ticking hand. Bye 2010.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Life's good. Life's bad. Life's tough and full of crap. But i should continue on because it isn't easy, shouldn't i? We struggle and doubt. But the view will be much better eventually i suppose. Spring comes i hope. Have something to look up to and it will guide our overall direction. Ganbattene!!
Haiz...Today was a long day. Started with a stomachache in the morning and was late for class. Teacher said that it was a bad excuse. Only something like severe traffic jam is reasonable because it is uncontrollable. But it was not an excuse and it wasn't controllable either. Her logic is pretty funny and everybody laughed. In the lecture after that, there was a mock paper but nobody could finish it. 1 hour is just too short. I wonder why they give us such a short time to do so many things. After lunch, there was a RFA tutorial again. Did another paper and couldn't finish again. Tsk. Must practice practice.
Followed by that was another lecture on Clsp and EAA. I wasn't paying attention for the second half because the second speaker speaks in L.O.W monotonous voice. It ended at 5.30pm. 9-5 day huh? Was intending to start studying RFA but ended up wasting my time at Facebook and at this place. Ok i still have 1 hour left to study. Shall start now.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Tsk tsk. RFA test on a saturday and it clashed with my piano lesson. NP really knows how to choose time. What if next time clash with my BTT or ABRSM exam?? Oh my! Pray hard. 2 days left to study but im not starting on RFA yet. Momentum please appear before me!
English is such a profound thing. English writting has intrigued me. It can be said as a platform for 'expressing ideas' or 'expressing our thoughts'. Choice of words is one of the interesting aspects. Each reader would have a slightly different impression and interpretation for a particular word. This is because each reader have their own status, perspective and past experience. Like my Business Law lecturer, 'sole proprietor' gives him the impression of a lonely man such as Michael Jackson. But to me, the first image that comes to my mind is a poor man, a provision shop uncle. (Probably fed to my mind by my Infa tutor when i first came across this phrase)
Two words with the same meaning can give different impressions to readers too. E.g. Accelerate and quicken. We may feel that 'quicken' is very fast while 'accelerate' is even faster. So the choice of words is quite important to expressing what one really feels. Of course, the writer's vocab mustn't be too shabby.
Colours can actually be used as an adjective to convey messages. I remembered my Sec 4 english teacher once explained to us the phrase 'the white door', in one of the articles. 'White' gives us the impression of purity, clean and maybe coldness. Other colours like blue signifies calmness and so on. Everybody knows it subconsiously. But most have not brought it to the conscious level. Had to thanks her for bringing it to our awareness. It makes us both a better writer and a better reader.
Err...Johnny English has nth to do with this post
Well...Ms Betsy is a good teacher because what she had taught us makes us feel that we had learnt nothing in the past three years. Like the phrase "一针见血", she always enlighten us. Another thing she had taught is to be as detailed as possible when describing a scene. Describing to the finest details like the texture and the temperature lets the readers form an image of that scene in their mind, bringing them into the story. A slow motion story. Thus a five minutes encounter can become a very impactful recount.
The way points and ideas are organised, punctuations and caps affects the flow of the story and the interpretation to it too. English is really profound. What was taught in secondary schools are just basics. There is a lot more than that to vocabulary and grammars. I still have a long way to go. But i will continue learning new vocabs, exercise them and also learn from well-written articles i come across.
Well known for his drunken meanness, Jack got so intoxicated on a Halloween that his soul began to leave his body. The Devil saw an opportunity to claim a victim and promptly came to earth. Jack was desperate to avoid his fate so he begged the Devil to allow him one last drink. The Devil consented but stated that Jack would have to pay for his drink because the Devil carried no money. Jack claimed to only have a sixpence left and asked that the Devil assume the shape of a sixpence to pay for the drink. Then, tab paid, the Devil could change back to himself.
The Devil considered the request reasonable and changed himself into a sixpence. Jack immediately grabbed the coin and put it in his wallet, which had a cross shaped catch. The Devil was unable to get out and began ranting and cursing. They then made a deal that the Devil would be released if he agreed to let Jack alone for one year. The Devil agreed and Jack set forth to reform is behavior over the next year. It wasn't long before Jack slipped back into his mean, drunken ways and the next All Hallows Eve the Devil appeared to Jack and demanded his soul. Once again, Jack was desperate to save himself and did so by tricking the Devil.
He suggested to the Devil that he may want one of the delicious apples hanging in a tree nearby. He offered to allow the Devil to climb on his shoulders to reach the apples. Once the Devil was in the tree, Jack pulled out a pocket knife and carved a cross in the tree trunk. The Devil could not get out of the tree. Furious and desperate, the Devil offered Jack ten years of peace in exchange for freeing him. Jack insisted that The Devil never bother him again and he would be freed. The Devil resentfully agreed. Jack then returned to his old ways but before the next Halloween, his body gave out and he passed.
He was turned away at the gates of Heaven because of the meanness in his life. The Devil refused him at the gates of hell, stating that he would never bother him again and told him to return from whence he came. To help Jack see on his journey, the Devil threw him a burning lump of coal from hell. Jack put the ember inside of a turnip and it has been Jack's light on his eternal wanderings ever since. To protect oneself from Jack on All Hallows Eve, jack o lanterns were placed on porches and in windows, in hopes that Jack would take the light if needed instead of bothering anyone.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Oh no...Had not been touching my piano lately. School is just going to get busier and busier. But i must still train hard and study hard at the same time. Time management is essential.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Feeling down......as low as an abyss. I keep telling myself i have to be strong, i have to be strong. I have to move on no matter how bad things turn out. I just have to stay strong. If it means walking the path all alone, then i'll just have to stand at the very top. If i ever fail, i will try it again ten times, twenty times, hundred times. I will advance day by day, week by week and one day, i will stand at the peak and laugh at this world.
What is happening to Singapore's weather? It has been acting so strangely. Last week, it feels almost like an oven. The sweltering heat makes it impossible to sleep at night. I had no choice but to place an additional fan facing myself because my air-con was spoilt.
Then there was this strange phenomenon that i saw at the skies of Marina. It was a huge, circular and peach-coloured cloud with a yellowish glow in the centre located above the waters. It doesn't seem to be caused by a man-made torch that was shone towards the sky. It was 8 and the sky was dark. All the other clouds around it were grey or almost invisible. Only that huge patch stood out distinctly and could be seen from very far away. It left me wondering...
This week, weather changes to hazy. Newspapers said that it had reached an unhealthy level and will escalate during the weekends. It's unwise to go out but our school still continues regardless......And now, cool wind is gusting against me real hard. Well...at least it's not hot wind. This temperature is cooling and it feels like Genting. I hope the weather stays like this all the way.
Kiritani Shuji is the popular guy who gets along with everyone, from the jerks to the nerds and the just plain weird. The only person Shuji cannot stand is Kusano Akira. To Shuji, Akira is just plain annoying. He laughs, talks and acts funny. Things heat up when a new student comes to school. Her name is Kotani Nobuko, a girl who has no self confidence at all and is content at being made fun of and bullied in school. Shuji and Akira come to an accord that in order to make use of their "youth" they will "produce" Nobuko as the next popular girl. One of the conditions, however, is that nobody should find out that they are working together as a team to make this concept possible. Unveiled here is the story of true friendship between three unlikely candidates who would not have been friends if not given the special circumstances.
A very meaningful drama. It conveys a strong idea of friendships. The drama shows how their friendship grows through each obstacle they faced, how they display unyielding faith and help each other in times of trouble, how they change from three acquaintances with totally different personality to a group of close friends who always think of the others first. Sugoidesune... It's so touching in the end. And their high school looks so fun too and such a story can only happen in high school...... I wish to go back.
Classical, Pop or Standard? This was the question posed to me in today's lesson. It was a difficult decision...
After some hesitation...... i chose standard. Meaning that it would be a lot stricter and there will be exams. The road ahead will be tough and long. More time and effort will have to be spent in practices, not to mention the expenses to be incurred. I'm worried... about making the wrong choice. I hope i can cope with everything...... and have the resolution to remain standing till the very end.
The train has started moving. It is packed with people of all ages, mostly with the working men and women and young college guys and gals. Near the window, seated an old man with his 30 year old son. As the train moves by, the son is overwhelmed with joy as he was thrilled with the scenery outside...
"See dad! The scenery of green trees moving away is very beautiful!"
This behavior from a thirty year old made the other people feel strange about him. Everyone started murmuring something or other about this son.
Suddenly, it started raining... Rain drops fell on the travelers through the opened window.
The son, filled with joy, " see dad, how beautiful the rain is ..."
Anup's wife got irritated with the rain drops spoiling her new suit. "Can't you see it's raining, you old man? If your son is not feeling well, get him soon to a mental asylum...and don't disturb the public henceforth!"
The old man hesitated first and then in a low tone replied, "we are on the way back from hospital, my son got discharged today morning , he was a blind by birth, last week only he got his vision, these rain and nature are new to his eyes...Please forgive us for the inconvenience caused..."
People lie......to escape from their sins, and to continue living their lives. A lie is a shadow of the truth. It may be weak, yet strong. It may be gentle, yet sad. There are many kinds of truth in a lie......only the wise can notice it.
Just finished watching shinzanmono. Mystery-type show triggers our brain to think real hard. And every single episode is just so touching. Can't help but feel reluctant now that another story has ended.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Here i am back on this page after a 4-week hiatus. During this period, i was busy refining my knowledge and making preparation for the exams. Today was tax paper. It aimed to slaughter people who think too much. Because there were tons of trap-within-a-trap. I wonder who exactly had the skill to set such high-level illusions. Anyway, since i can notice some of these traps, i guess i should be fine.
Today wasn't exactly a great day. Started the morning with sleep deprivation. Insomnia for some reason that i don't know. Then, my bus passed by right in front of me. So i waited and waited and my ankle began to hurt so much because the new socks were too tight. Thus, i went back to change to a new pair and rush down. Then another bus fled off before my eyes...
After the test, i talk talk talk with classmates until i had forgotten about my bag. Continue talking till the first floor then i realise that i am only holding on to my pencil case. I received a sudden, acute heart attack. I turned back immediately and tried to maneuver through the horde moving down the stairs, like playing dodge-the-falling-boulders game. At that moment, they seem so obstructive to me. Luckily, i managed to stop the invigilator 1 second before she locks the door. Nothing seems to be lost. How forgetful of me.
Today was Yesterday's battle. Tomorrow is Today's Dream
"Has your dream come true?" I'm still struggling. I told myself that I cannot waste anymore time. Dreams are potential actions that exist only in the hearts of the faithful.
Impromptu speech's over. So much for the preparation and nothing similar comes out. At least it's one burden lesser. 2 more project left it seems. Motivation please come back!!
L
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Is there anybody missing me right now? I am missing someone at this moment. Or rather all these while. There are so many people in this world. I always believe that there is a person somewhere in the corner of this world who is doing the exact same thing at the same time as me. I believe, right now, there's another person who is also sitting in front of their computer lamenting and yearning for their certain someone. But what's the possibilty that their certain someone is doing the same thing too?......
Time always seem to be at its own pace, never stopping to wait for anyone. Always seem to be flying towards an ethereal space, never stopping even once to look back. Is this what's life supposed to be? Always fighting with time? Can there really be a time where people can just lie back and gaze at the clouds? Each day is all about lectures, tutorials, projects, facebook, piano and nothing else. No time for anything else. Seven days a week ain't enough.
Today is Father's Day. We went out for dinner. One the way, i saw a really beautiful sight at the outskirts. A view of the unusually huge orange sun gleaming in crimson afterglow, approaching the horizon. It was accompanied by a myraid of kites hovering in the cloudy sky. On the foreground, countless kids, with their shirts fluttering in the winds, were trotting on the vast grassland, gazing up at their kites. They looked so carefree and cheerful. A pity i didn't managed to take a picture.
I had an interesting encounter today. It happened in the Gents when i was trying to wash the black pepper off my hands. Two brothers about the age of 6 came in. After they're done, one of them walked to the basin beside mine and attempted to reach for the tap. But he couldn't make it. And so he asked politely, in a soft voice, "Can you help me?"
Acceding to his request, i smiled and pressed the tap for him. After he's done, his hands still dripping with water, he walked over to his brother and began rubbing and scrubbing his brother's hands. He murmured something like, "There, i'll help you." And they hustled out of the room.
When the young man went to college, he decided to try out for the football team as a "walk-on." Everyone was sure that he could never make the cut, but he did. The coach admitted that he kept him on the roster because he always puts his heart and soul to every practice, and at the same time, provided the other members with the spirit and hustle that they badly needed. The news that he had survived the cut thrilled him so much that he rushed to the nearest phone and called his father. His father shared his excitement and was sent season tickets for all the college games. This persistent young athlete never missed a single practice during his four years at college, but he never got to play in the game.
It was the end of his senior football season, and as he trotted onto the practice field shortly before the big game, the coach met him with a telegram. The young man read the telegram and he became deathly silent. Swallowing hard, he mumbled to the coach, "My father died this morning. Is it all right if I miss practice today?"
The coach put his arm gently around his shoulder and said, "Take the rest of the week off, son. And don't even plan to come back to the game on Saturday."
Saturday arrived, and the game was not going well. In the third quarter, when the team was ten points behind, a silent young man quietly slipped into the empty locker room and put on his football gear. As he run onto the sidelines, the coach and his players were astounded to see their faithful teammate back so soon.
"Coach, please let me play. I've just got to play today," said the young man. The coach pretended not to hear him. There was no way he wanted his worst player in this close playoff game. But the young man persisted, and finally feeling sorry for the kid, the coach gave in.
"All right," he said. "You can go in."
Before long, the coach, the players and everyone in the stands could not believe their eyes. This little unknown, who had never played before was doing everything right. The opposing team could not stop him. He ran, he passed, blocked and tackled like a star. His team began to triumph. The score was soon tied. In the closing seconds of the game, this kid intercepted a pass and ran all the way for the winning touchdown. The fans broke loose. His teammates hoisted him onto their shoulders.
Finally, after the stands had emptied and the team had showered and left the locker room, the coach noticed that the young man was sitting quietly in the corner all alone.
The coach came to him and said, "Kid, I can't believe it. You were fantastic! Tell me what got into you? How did you do it?"
He looked at the coach, with tears in his eyes, and said, "Well, you knew my dad died, but did you know that my dad was blind?" The young man swallowed hard and forced a smile, "Dad came to all my games, but today was the first time he could see me play, and I wanted to show him I can do it!"
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
You could jolly well be sleeping in bed while i do the work. Yet you didn't......and you shoved me aside...... Lots of images flashed across my mind and i reflected on my past behaviour......your tolerance......and your patience. What had i ever done to make you happy? I couldn't recall one...... I feel touch and remorse at the same time. Perhaps all you hoped for......is a heartily chat which i couldn't even give......
It had been raining for more than a week, so much rain it made everyday seemed so restless and gloomy. She called and said she was coming up. It was the third time she came up to see me that week. I carried her excuse of why she came all the way here and went to meet her at the nearby seven-eleven. She was standing there alone, carrying her red umbrella. Her friend had dropped her off. It was raining and she was shivering. She looked weak and fragile in the harsh rain, wearing barely enough to keep her warm.
I walked up to her and said, "You shouldn't come see me anymore," and stuff like how we shouldn't be together.
She said, "I miss you."
I told her coldly, "Let’s go, I'll take you home."
She did not open up her umbrella, I knew she wanted to share mine.
I said, "Open up your umbrella, let's go."
Unwillingly, she opened up her umbrella and walked with me to the car. She said she hadn't eaten lunch or dinner and asked if we could stop at some place to eat.
Right away I answered with a stoned heart, "No!"
Disappointed, she asked me to take her to the train station, she said she would take the train back home.
Maybe it was the rain, all the trains were full of people with umbrellas and suit cases who were eager to get home, not caring about who just passed by. We waited and waited, she looked at me innocently. Being together for so long, of course I knew what she meant. I understand how she must feel when she came all this way here in this kind of weather and I treat her like this. With her soft eyes staring at me, I felt guilty and wanted to let her stay for the night.
But reality struck again, I said to her coldly, "Let's go try the other train station."
We were living in the same apartment building, on the same floor. Back then there were four of us, and we got along well. We would always eat dinner together, watch movies, and sometimes go camping. We were more like a family, but I didn't know I would end up falling in love with the only girl of the four. Maybe it was during the last year of college, having lived together for two years, we developed deep feelings for each other. After she graduated she went back home, and I stayed for one more year to finish school. During that year I was only able to take the train down to see her on holidays, but never for long. That was how we kept the treasured relationship.
We were walking along the side of the road. She was in front of me and I was right behind her. Her umbrella had a broken spoke. She looked liked a wounded soldier, carrying her rusted rifle walking weakly. Many times, she was too into thinking or whatever she was doing, drifting off the road, she almost got hit by the cars passing by. I wanted to just take her in my arms, but with the love I had for her and the constant pain in my stomach, I did nothing. On the way, we passed by the park where we use to always go.
She begged and said, "Let’s go in the park just for a little while please, I promise I'll go home right after this."
With her begging, my cold heart softened, but I still put up an annoyed face and walked in the park. I was just sitting on the benches looking like I wanted to leave. She went to the big oak tree and she was looking for something. I knew she was looking for what we wrote on that tree with a silver ink pen half a year ago. If I remember it right, it said, "Chris and Susan was here, Chris had tea and Susan was drinking hot chocolate. Hope Chris and Susan would always remember this day, always loving each other, forever." She was looking around for quite a while, then she came back slowly with tears on her face.
She said, "Chris, I can't find it, it's not there anymore."
I felt so sour inside, there was a stream of pain, flowing into my heart, the kind of pain I've never felt before. But all I could do was pretend I didn't care, and said, "Can we go now?"
I opened up my big black umbrella, she was just standing there, didn't want to leave yet, hoping there was still a chance. She said, "You made up the story of you and that other girl didn't you? I know I frustrate you sometimes, but I'll change, can't we start over?"
I didn't say a word, just looked down and shook my head. After that we just kept on walking towards the train station, didn't say a word to each other.
Four years ago, the doctor said I had cancer, but it was found early, so it was still curable. Thinking that it was okay, I started living my normal life again, and even forgot about the cancer. I didn't think about the cancer again and did not go back to the doctor. Until a month ago, my stomach was hurting for two weeks straight, and the nightmare awakened me again. First I thought the pain would go away, but it grew stronger until to the point that I couldn't take it anymore. I went back to the doctor and took an X-ray. The picture came out and there was a big black spot, which proved the truth that I did not want to believe. I was at the most glittering part of my life, but it was coming to an end. I wanted myself and the people around me to go through the least pain possible, so I decided to commit suicide. But I couldn't let people find out about my intentions, especially Susan, the person I love the most in this whole world, who still doesn't know about the truth. Susan was still young, she shouldn't have to go through this. So I made up some stories and lied to her. It was a cruel thing to do, and it broke her heart, but it was the fastest way to wipe out three years feelings. I didn't have much time, because I would soon start to lose hair and she would find out eventually. But now I'm close to succeeding, this drama would soon be over. Thirty minutes more this would all come to an end, that was what I had in mind.
The train had stopped running so I called a taxi for her. We were just standing there, waiting, losing our last moments in silence.
I saw the taxi from far away, I held my tears and said to her, "Take care of yourself, take good care of yourself."
She didn't talk, just nodded lightly, and then opened up her misshaped umbrella and stepped out on the street. Out in the rain, we became two single life forms, one red, one black, so far away from each other. I opened the door for her and she got in, then I close the gate that would separate me from her forever. I stood by the car, staring in the dark window, at the first love in my life, also the last one, walking out of my life. The car started, driving into the street. Finally I couldn't hold my sorrow and the twist in my heart any longer, waving my arms rapidly chasing after the taxi, because I knew, this would be the last time I'm seeing her. I wanted to tell her I still love her, I wanted to tell her to stay, I wanted to tell her so much, but the taxi had already turned in the corner. Warm tears kept falling down my face, blended with the cold rain drops. I was cold, not because of the rain. I was cold inside.
She left, and I didn't get anymore of her phone calls even until today. I know she didn't see my tears, because they were washed away by the rain. I left without regrets. But I'm not Chris, I'm that girl Susan, using my memory, and his diary I found after one year since he left, writing down these last words.
The exams are finally over. Taxation didn't put up much of a fight today and I can't wait for the results to be out. One thing to remind myself; i cannot be complacent. No matter how good or how bad my results are, i have to force myself to work even harder next term. Way way way harder.
Holidays are up next and things are finally starting to slow down. I wish to enjoy this temporary peace.
Woah! Cost accounting was sure tough. Barely made it out alive. Won't expect to see good grades on this.
Spent the whole day studying today. Should be quite prepared for taxation. Easy opponent but letting down one's guard would be a fatal mistake even for the strongest. Brace yourself. I'm coming with all i have.
Defeated IFA. Glad that i'm able to finish him in time. He was a tricky opponent but he is already history. Now it's time to prepare for the boss fight tomorrow. Target: Train with at least 2 past year papers while mind waves is still spinning fine. I hope this motivation doesn't dies.
Had a sudden gush of motivation and adrenaline rushing. Now that everything has been settled, my Digital Mind Wave starts to spin and i can finally commence on my revision for next week's common test.
A story is told about a soldier who was finally coming home after having fought in Vietnam. He called his parents from San Francisco.
"Mom and Dad, I'm coming home, but I've a favor to ask. I have a friend I'd like to bring home with me.
"Sure," they replied, "we'd love to meet him."
"There's something you should know," the son continued, "he was hurt pretty badly in the fighting. He stepped on a land mind and lost an arm and a leg. He has nowhere else to go, and I want him to come live with us."
"I'm sorry to hear that, son. Maybe we can help him find somewhere to live."
"No, Mom and Dad, I want him to live with us."
"Son," said the father, "you don't know what you're asking. Someone with such a handicap would be a terrible burden on us. We have our own lives to live, and we can't let something like this interfere with our lives. I think you should just come home and forget about this guy. He'll find a way to live on his own."
At that point, the son hung up the phone. The parents heard nothing more from him. A few days later, however, they received a call from the San Francisco police. Their son had died after falling from a building, they were told. The police believed it was suicide.
The grief-stricken parents flew to San Francisco and were taken to the city morgue to identify the body of their son. They recognized him, but to their horror they also discovered something they didn't know, their son had only one arm and one leg.
The parents in this story are like many of us. We find it easy to love those who are good-looking or fun to have around, but we don't like people who inconvenience us or make us feel uncomfortable. We would rather stay away from people who aren't as healthy, beautiful, or smart as we are.
Thankfully, there's someone who won't treat us that way. Someone who loves us with an unconditional love that welcomes us into the forever family, regardless of how messed up we are.
Tonight, before you tuck yourself in for the night, say a little prayer that God will give you the strength you need to accept people as they are, and to help us all be more understanding of those who are different from us!!! There's a miracle called Friendship That dwells in the heart You don't know how it happens Or when it gets started But you know the special lift It always brings. And you realize that Friendship Is God's most precious gift!
Friends are a very rare jewel, indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They lend an ear, they share a word of praise, and they always want to open their hearts to us. Show your friends how much you care....
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
-Often people say they were not destined to do this or that. Well, there's no such thing as destined because god gave us a pair of hands and we create our own destiny.-
-Winners are not the ones blessed with the luck, charm and all the miraculous capabilities; they are the ones who never stop trying after they fail.-
Friday, May 21, 2010
My lecturer showed everybody this out of a sudden. I find it very interesting.
Love
L+O+V+E 12+15+22+5= 54% Luck
L+U+C+K 12+21+3+11= 47% Hard Work
H+A+R+D+W+O+R+K 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11= 98% Knowledge
K+N+O+W+L+E+D+G+E 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5= 96%
Close, but not there yet
Then what makes 100%? Money??
M+O+N+E+Y 13+15+14+5+25= 72% No!!! Leadership??
L+E+A+D+E+R+S+H+I+P 12+5+1+4+5+18+19+8+9+16= 89% No!!!
Every Problem has a Solution, only if we Change our Attitude
To get to the Top, to 100%
What we really need to go further
ATTITUDE
A+T+T+I+T+U+D+E 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5= 100% It is Our Attitude towards Life and Work
That makes
Our Life100%!!!
Attitude is Everything.
Change your Attitude...
And you Change your Life
Note: In life there are many people who demand more than 100% out of us. So we should give them bullshit since B+U+L+L+S+H+I+T > 100%
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Slept several times in the bus and also in the library and throughout the day. But i managed to stay awake during the lecture. Sitting in the first few rows do make a difference. It makes you awake.
With the week nearing its end, things are starting to get a little bit relaxed. What's left to be done are LS project, bcomm project, FIT article, LS article, and the usual tutorial and stuffs. Shall use elearning time next week to finish up and revise for common test. Hope that elearning week won't be as busy as the last one.
It's been such an internal struggle. One part of me just doesn't want to forget.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
I don't know why i am so fiery and bad-tempered today. Maybe it's because my to-do lists is piling up and i haven't been clearing them. And i hate getting disturbed when i'm thinking about work. I'll try to control my temper next time. I'm so sorry to those that i'm rude to, especially mother.
Forgive me for not having the courage to apologise in your face.
This week really isn't meant to spend money. Anyway, this afternoon, went to school for CCA with kian ann. Eat there half an hour, slack at the cca half an hour then set off for science centre. At the bus stop, we saw 陈伟联 there and we even got onto the same bus. He was wearing 'dialogue in the dark' shirt (a shop in our poly focusing on raising awareness of visual impairment)and he alighted with his friends after a while.
We reached science centre around 3 and we shopped at Curosity. The items there were so interesting. I bought something there and then we went in to the exhibits. The lady gave us an invisible chop on our hands......maybe it wasn't invisible, but they just ran out of ink. We forgot what our tutor told us to look out for, so we just looked around at everything and played around with the exhibits. It turned out to be a leisure trip instead of a study trip. It was really fun and interesting there and i paid a dollar to let kian ann sit on the electrical chair and see him get shocked haha. Nice trip overall, and it was free. A pity that we didn't managed to look at everything due to time constraint.
I hate myself for forgetting to buy the digital clock at Curosity.
Today...haiz...This week isn't meant to spend money. I donated eight bucks to the photocopying shop behind library again, because i printed 166 one-slide-per-page lecture handout. Plus yesterday's 55 page, total is 10 bucks plus to the lady there. What luck! She also feel bad for taking my money again and teach me how to use the printer and taught me a cheaper way to print the notes. And also, few days ago, i bought a folder to hold my files so that i won't need to use my laptop cover to contain it. In the end, it was designed only to keep A4 size paper and my files, slightly bigger, cannot fit in. Means i have to transfer the notes to and fro between them everyday...troublesome. I don't know what to do with the folder now...
Really a can't-find-a-word-to-describe week. Even played the piano till my index finger bleed. It's finally healed now after 3 days. So now i can hit the keys without care ha ha ha.
Hmm...i should be careful of what i do tomorrow at science centre, especially when it comes to money. I hope i won't buy some worthless thing again...... Well......at least now i have 200++ pages of rough paper, graph paper and toilet paper to use till i graduate.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Omg...this is getting serious. I'm so addicted to playing piano that i can stay in the same position for 5 hours straight. Till my back is hurting so much. My vision turned blur too and i couldn't even see this screen properly. I find it hard to walk straight to my dinner table with the poor vision, and i heard notes ringing in my ears when eating. At first, i thought somebody else was playing with the keyboard but when i came back after gobbling up my food, nobody was here. GG! I was hallucinating.
This, supposedly, should be a very busy week, with so many tasks to be accomplished. Doing tutorials; revising lectures; start on my Life Science individual report of 750words (A supposedly 5-weeks assignment which is to be handed in in 5 more days); go on the LS trip to science centre; start on my LS group project due in 2 weeks time; LS tutorial plus article; bcomm dinning etiquette; and also the regular school projectsss. Luckily the telephone etiquette is already over; means 3 hours of free time tomorrow for project usage!!
Urghh..my back and my eeys can't take it anymore. Ineed to rest now...
Year 2 first sem started le. It will be getting busier and busier, harder and harder as time goes by. This sem i want to try using paper notes instead of com. It's a bit more troublesome but i believe it will be easier to study. Yet this sem, the amount of notes increased significantly. It means more expenses. But it should be worth it since i can't stand sitting on this chair and staring at the com the whole day......
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
This place feels so cold, not like a home to me anymore. Like an empty, deserted house. I'm not a good family member. I wasn't able to make anymore compromises. Sorry. This is my limit. I've made up my mind. The moment i'm able to provide for myself, i will move out of this place. You all had to sacrifice me anyway. Then, there's no need for me to be here anymore. These few years there isn't a single happy day back home, and i'm causing unhappiness to all of you. So, me leaving would be a better option. Don't complain about regretting giving birth to me, i have no wish of coming into this world anyway. Sorry Dad. For dragging you into this whole mess. Really sorry.
I used to think that when i turned 18th, a wizard or a shinigami will appear and tell me about my secret powers. Then probably take me to Hogwarts or something. Obviously, it didn't happen. Hahaha. How foolish it is.
Today. Two words. Great day. During primary school period, there used to be a popular composition topic called 'The most unforgettable birthday'. I envied my classmates for having something to write because my birthdays are roughly similar each year with variations here and there. Well...at least now, i know, i have something to write.
Had to thank my friends for taking out their precious time to celebrate with me. Many many thanks. Especially Yue yang for his great efforts; the cake and the watch. Though he didn't sleep much the previous day, he still managed to accompany me throughout the day and be a great host. Words already can't be used to describe my gratitude and appreciation for his efforts. And for the wishes i made at the birthday cake, i only had one. It concerns the four of us but i'm not going to tell anyone till it came true incase it becomes ineffective.
In the evening, i went to Pariss International Seafood Buffet Restaurant at Marina Square to eat with my family. I ate till i couldn't eat anymore. I tried my best but i still ate very little. I guessed i'm not suitable for buffet restaurant. After that, i received another fabulous present, from my brother. Thank you very much. I like all my presents and more importantly the thoughts behind them.
The past can be a tripping stone that hinders our progess or a stepping stone to reach a higher level. The choice is often up to people. We can continue to fall and live in the echos of those memories. Or forget about them, pick ourselves up and grow from the experience.
It's time to wake up and continue on. No use dwelling. Look forward to tomorrow and be a better person.
用心酸微笑去原谅了
也翻越了
有昨天还是好的
但明天是自己的
开始懂了
快乐是选择
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Had a very sad dream this morning and cried in my sleep. Woke up in the wee hours tearing uncontrollably. Took me awhile to stop my tears. Luckily, it was just a dream. It wouldn't happen in reality. I hope so...
清明时节雨纷纷
路上行人欲断魂
借问酒家何处有
牧童遥指杏花村
Today, it rained. 清明节 is here. It's time for tome-cleaning, so we went to visit him again. It was so crowded, smoky and wet there at 光明山. But we were lucky. To be able to find a parking lot and an empty table easily. Did the usual thing and went home.
So happy today, mmwahahahaha! Suddenly felt happy yesterday night for no reason. Then today even more happy to meet some old friends on the train. Chatted with them till i alight. Then naruto, bleach and onepiece manga out today~ so excited! Tomorrow's trip also excited! Oh, and also results came back today. Did better than i expected but losing to kian ann is a pity.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Perhaps it would seem like i don't care. I would have thought so if i put myself in the shoes of a passer-by. But i know i can't do anything to help. So i would often stand aside and look from afar, silently and helplessly; and maybe pretending that i see nothing, know nothing. Simple regards like "are-u-ok?", "what-happened?" perhaps can show your affections but it's not going to help in the situation and they ain't coming out of my mouth. I don't want to be a nuisance.
This week passed by in a flash. It feels like a week's time had been robbed from my life. Nothing much happened this week. Nothing worth remembering. These few days, i had been sleeping like a pig. Not that i am very tired, but i don't want to wake up. My body had had enough rest but when i woke up, i forced myself to sleep again. I forced myself to go back to my slumber. I don't want to come back. Not to this loathsome world......I want to stay at dreamland as long as i could......
I wonder why i have this kind of dream. About suddenly remembering there is an exam in a few hours time and didn't study at all. Then going into the exam hall knowing nothing and can't do any of the questions. It happens frequently these few days and different subject everytime. Maybe tonight's subject will be science.
Saw this exemption clause behind the hotel room door.
An inside view of the hotel
Don't be fooled by the appearance, the lobby toilet is dirty and clogged up. Shan't elaborate more. After breakfast at the hotel, we went for the casino~~. On the way there, there were no S'pore car because of the new casino.
The fog was so thick and it was so cold.
Got into the casino straight away but didn't gamble. It was an eye-opener. My family won a few hundred dollars and then we went for lunch. Finally found a place with unprotected wi-fi. Fb awhile then walked around the mall. 婆婆 became tired and we sent her home.
After a rest, we went to 外婆's house, at Kahang. During the night, we set 'kong ming' lantern, watched fireworks and played mahjong together. It's so fun being with my cousins.
初二 morning we went to a nearby roti-prata shop to eat breakfast. Few of us went first to get seats and we ordered 30 roti-pratas. That prata-man was so shocked and faster went to flip his roti-prata. After that we went back to continue our mahjong session. Afternoon; the lion dance troupes came to our house and we set off the firecrackers.
In the evening, we went to Kluang, where another relatives is located. We reserved a room at a hotel restaurant and ate there. It was a big room to hold three tables. There was also ktv there. Stayed there for few hours and then straight away came back to S'pore. Before we left, all of us took a photo at the entrance. And then everybody went separate ways. It was sad to leave them and it also means i have to get back to my studies. I wished i can spend more time there. Away from singapore, away from studies, away from all the sadness back here...
13 Feb 2010. The day we embarked on a journey that has no internet or facebook throughout. It was a relaxing journey without any itinerary to follow. We do as we wished, taking one step at a time. Set off in wee hours, we arrived at a foodcourt somewhere in the countryside at 8 and had a quick breakfast. The temperature there was quite cooling. We continued on the journey in the car and managed to reach KL before noon. We tried very hard to wriggle through the unlawful street where the people and cars coexist. The people were like colonies of ants. Countless. I looked at you, you looked at me, and continue walking like nobody's business. Hey! This is not a zebra crossing you know? We drove around in circles, trying to find our hotel. To our surprise, we passed-by my father's workplace where he worked in 30 years ago. The shop was still there and his ex-boss, colleagues were still working there. He could still recognize them after 30 years?! We parked the car by the road and went in to do some catching-up. After that, they gave us directions to our hotel and we checked-in.
Not this one. We don't have money.
It's a small 3-star hotel with no carpark. So, we parked our car by the road outside the hotel and received a summon the next day. Didn't intend to pay cause we are waiting for the government to give discounts and offers. Yes, Malaysian government do give discounts for summons occasionally to entice their people to pay up. They have no choice cause their people don't care about the government and don't want to pay.
After we put our lugguage in the room, we went for lunch in chinatown which is just beside the hotel. Smiling throughout the lunch, Pa reminiscence about his work at KL 30 years ago; about his colleagues, boss etc. After that, we walked around chinatown street. Nothing much there but very crowded. Didn't managed to buy anything. We went back to rest shortly after. And i watched their television; all malay programmes and the only chinese one sucks. At 5, we set off to 婆婆's house. Just nice peak hour. Traffic congestion. The drivers were seriously playing music with their horn and they could form an orchestra le la. And i noticed how all the cigarettes, chewing gums, plastic bags decorated the pavement and road. What a wonderful place.
That was the first time i went to 婆婆's house. We had a very simple and quiet 8-person dinner unlike the usual 3-table feast at 外婆's. Haven't seen 婆婆 for a few years already. She didn't change at all. And then there was a broadcast of a malay man singing. 走音 somemore. I knew and personally heard them broadcasting people singing at 5 IN THE MORNING but didn't know they do it in the evening too. After the dinner, i was so happy to receive crystal's message. So thoughtful of her. After dinner, we went back to the hotel to mug. I spent the last second of Bull's year studying bmgt. Miss setting off fireworks and playing mahjong with them at 外婆's.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Feeling so lost right now. This is probably the end. There is nothing left to pursue anymore. It's time to wake up from my dream and get back to my usual life.
Dreams are such a blissful and wonderful thing to indulge in. But the feeling of despair when coming back to reality...
Constant pain felt on the left side of my chest. Because there's lots of unhappy things happening recently. The pain started yesterday and didn't subside till this afternoon. Wasn't able to sleep well because of that. Woke up at 5.40am today, feeling lethargic. Dragged myself to school and sat outside cheers to study with yue yang. But i just stared into blank space there. No mood to study.
The exam; anyhow do. Didn't even bother to check my work. Left as soon as i finished. Went to Mac with the usual people. At Mac, i tored the ffa and bmgt exam paper into pieces. Felt a tiny bit better after that.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Feeling a sense of lost right now. The path in front of me is so murky and blur. Where exactly is my destination and why am i studying so hard for? I'm so tired of wandering alone in this cold darkness. I wonder if i should strive on.
Study, anime and storybook. It seems like it's designed to make people forget about their unhappiness. A temporary escape to another world. It makes people forget everything that happened in the cruel reality; by indulging in the illusionary world of books. Every memories of the real world is casted aside. Far far away. There, a new life sprouts. A different story evolves. A transitory swap of identity. They are like a vortex; drawing me into the center. Deeper and deeper. Never wanting to come out again.
Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!
Insanely busy these few days because of exams. Had been studying non-stop from Tuesday to Thursday. Going crazy soon. Then yesterday was blaw test. I wasn't exactly happy with my performance because I wasn't sure of my answer for most of the parts. And the ethics question is gone for good. But still, there's chance I get an A.
Didn't manage to study yesterday due to an untimely 'eye-pain'. Didn't study much today either and I'm still not getting panic. Why do I have this illusion that I still have time? Someone please wake me up!!!
This morning, me and my family went to 光明山 to pay respect to my eldest brother. We brought a lot of things there because Chinese New Year is coming. We got off the car at the carpark and headed for the temple. As we walked along the long, uphill pavement, the brown leaves drifted across us like droplets of rain falling down in slow motion. I could even hear the sound of the water flowing down the waterfall beside the road. Because it was so quiet there. There wasn't much people around. It is such a peaceful place.
I lighted incense and prayed to 地藏王普薩, telling him/her our purpose of coming. Then, we laid the vegetarian food, drinks and oranges nicely before the urn and placed the incense there. After that, holding a stick of incense in my hand, we headed to the top floor where his ashes were kept. I was very familiar with the place after coming so many times. Block 3... block 4...block 5 and I turned. I looked up. That was where his ashes were. My brother went to take a movable ladder and climbed up to clean away the dust as I stared motionlessly at the photo. I was overwhelmed with feelings and I could feel that my eyes were wet. I never failed to have this feeling everytime I visit him. I still miss him so much after so many years have passed. Although my memories with him is very limited, I've always wondered how my life would be if he's still around. It would be very very different. Totally different. I looked away, because I know I won't be able to hold back my tears much longer. I don't want my parents to be affected. After a while, we left. As we were walking towards the exit, my father turned over...and I could see that his eyes were red too...
With the incense still in hand, we walked down the stairs, 'leading' him to the first floor where the food was. I put the last incense in the urn and waited for him to eat finish. Then, we took the paper money, clothes etc to the fireplace to be burned. The uncle there threw all of them into the sea of fire and they vanished in the flames. Hope he can receive it.
This morning went to gym with coach yue yang. We planned to gym for 2hr in the end both of us late, only left 1hr. Ran 4 rounds under the sun and came back soaked. Then we headed for the gym. I played around with the dumbells and now my hand cannot straighten le. omg. After that went to ourspace to study with crystalbrina. The air-con there was so nice. Hah. But sabrina was very irritated then so i left her alone. Meanwhile, did the maec paper there before going for lunch. Sabrina seems okay during lunch. Maybe my iphone saved her.
Felt so tired during the tutorial. When it finally ended, we took our class photo. Feel kinda sad cause it's the last time we will be together as TA02. Had a can't-bear-to-leave feeling. TA02 is a fun class but everybody's probably going separate ways. Will be missing 02.
This morning wanted to self-study. Thought i will be studying alone at ourspace but saw sabrina and crystal there. Haha. Didn't know that they coming. I was expecting everybody except me to go for the bmgt consultation tutorial but in the end, some didn't go, some stayed at home wait for lunch(lol), some iphoning at ourspace(another lol). I wondered who went for it. I thought the whole class very hardworking de. Probably only sharlynn's and john's group.
Wasted quite some time at ourspace to do admin stuffs and then finally opened bmgt intro slides but just stared at slide no.2. Nothing went into my head. Then, crystal spilled her water into her bag. Haha. Now her calculator become waterproof le. We helped her to clean up. After that went for lunch.
Only 9 person went for the blaw tutorial haha. All freak out because of the email stating "DONT COME IF U NEVER STUDY. COME AND U DIEEE!!!".
After that is DSS test. Everybody rushes for it. Same for me. Managed to reach the venue before it start. But the test was an utter failure. Negative interest wth. Data table with only $1 and $2 wtf. After test chatted with crystalbrina for a while then go home. Too tired to do maec paper. Do tomorrow ba.
Monday, February 1, 2010
Just found out something terrible. Really terrible. Im so dumb. I dunno how to make up for it. Feel very very guilty now.
Went shopping at Ang Mo Kio with family. The main purpose was to shop for grandma's clothes but in the end im the only one who bought clothes. 2hrs was enough to settle my new year's clothes. Efficient. Im quite satisfied with my purchases. 5 pieces but still felt not enough. Maybe is too long never shop le.
After that we finally went to shop for grandma's clothes. It was a brutal torture watching aunties shopping. Luckily it didn't last long.
Haven do blaw tutorial yet. See the case study so long wan faint liao. Must handwrite somemore. Hate blaw. But lucky not i present, so can anyhow do. Haha.
Finally created a blog le. Over the years, i'd kept all my feelings inside my heart whether happy or sad. Maybe it's because i built a wall around myself. And maybe thats the reason i seldom smile. But now, this will be the place where all the trash in my heart goes.
