The second/third day

Saw this exemption clause behind the hotel room door.

An inside view of the hotel

Don't be fooled by the appearance, the lobby toilet is dirty and clogged up. Shan't elaborate more. After breakfast at the hotel, we went for the casino~~. On the way there, there were no S'pore car because of the new casino.

The fog was so thick and it was so cold.

Got into the casino straight away but didn't gamble. It was an eye-opener. My family won a few hundred dollars and then we went for lunch. Finally found a place with unprotected wi-fi. Fb awhile then walked around the mall. 婆婆 became tired and we sent her home.

After a rest, we went to 外婆's house, at Kahang. During the night, we set 'kong ming' lantern, watched fireworks and played mahjong together. It's so fun being with my cousins.

初二 morning we went to a nearby roti-prata shop to eat breakfast. Few of us went first to get seats and we ordered 30 roti-pratas. That prata-man was so shocked and faster went to flip his roti-prata. After that we went back to continue our mahjong session. Afternoon; the lion dance troupes came to our house and we set off the firecrackers.

 

In the evening, we went to Kluang, where another relatives is located. We reserved a room at a hotel restaurant and ate there. It was a big room to hold three tables. There was also ktv there. Stayed there for few hours and then straight away came back to S'pore. Before we left, all of us took a photo at the entrance. And then everybody went separate ways. It was sad to leave them and it also means i have to get back to my studies. I wished i can spend more time there. Away from singapore, away from studies, away from all the sadness back here...

Chinese New Year Trip

13 Feb 2010. The day we embarked on a journey that has no internet or facebook throughout. It was a relaxing journey without any itinerary to follow. We do as we wished, taking one step at a time. Set off in wee hours, we arrived at a foodcourt somewhere in the countryside at 8 and had a quick breakfast. The temperature there was quite cooling. We continued on the journey in the car and managed to reach KL before noon. We tried very hard to wriggle through the unlawful street where the people and cars coexist. The people were like colonies of ants. Countless. I looked at you, you looked at me, and continue walking like nobody's business. Hey! This is not a zebra crossing you know? We drove around in circles, trying to find our hotel. To our surprise, we passed-by my father's workplace where he worked in 30 years ago. The shop was still there and his ex-boss, colleagues were still working there. He could still recognize them after 30 years?! We parked the car by the road and went in to do some catching-up. After that, they gave us directions to our hotel and we checked-in.

Not this one. We don't have money.

It's a small 3-star hotel with no carpark. So, we parked our car by the road outside the hotel and received a summon the next day. Didn't intend to pay cause we are waiting for the government to give discounts and offers. Yes, Malaysian government do give discounts for summons occasionally to entice their people to pay up. They have no choice cause their people don't care about the government and don't want to pay.

After we put our lugguage in the room, we went for lunch in chinatown which is just beside the hotel. Smiling throughout the lunch, Pa reminiscence about his work at KL 30 years ago; about his colleagues, boss etc. After that, we walked around chinatown street. Nothing much there but very crowded. Didn't managed to buy anything. We went back to rest shortly after. And i watched their television; all malay programmes and the only chinese one sucks. At 5, we set off to 婆婆's house. Just nice peak hour. Traffic congestion. The drivers were seriously playing music with their horn and they could form an orchestra le la. And i noticed how all the cigarettes, chewing gums, plastic bags decorated the pavement and road. What a wonderful place.

That was the first time i went to 婆婆's house. We had a very simple and quiet 8-person dinner unlike the usual 3-table feast at 外婆's. Haven't seen 婆婆 for a few years already. She didn't change at all. And then there was a broadcast of a malay man singing.  走音 somemore. I knew and personally heard them broadcasting people singing at 5 IN THE MORNING but didn't know they do it in the evening too. After the dinner, i was so happy to receive crystal's message. So thoughtful of her. After dinner, we went back to the hotel to mug. I spent the last second of Bull's year studying bmgt. Miss setting off fireworks and playing mahjong with them at 外婆's.

Feeling so lost right now. This is probably the end. There is nothing left to pursue anymore. It's time to wake up from my dream and get back to my usual life.

Dreams are such a blissful and wonderful thing to indulge in. But the feeling of despair when coming back to reality...

I certainly hoped that it's true

Constant pain felt on the left side of my chest. Because there's lots of unhappy things happening recently. The pain started yesterday and didn't subside till this afternoon. Wasn't able to sleep well because of that. Woke up at 5.40am today, feeling lethargic. Dragged myself to school and sat outside cheers to study with yue yang. But i just stared into blank space there. No mood to study.
The exam; anyhow do. Didn't even bother to check my work. Left as soon as i finished. Went to Mac with the usual people. At Mac, i tored the ffa and bmgt exam paper into pieces. Felt a tiny bit better after that.

Feeling a sense of lost right now. The path in front of me is so murky and blur. Where exactly is my destination and why am i studying so hard for? I'm so tired of wandering alone in this cold darkness. I wonder if i should strive on.

Study, anime and storybook. It seems like it's designed to make people forget about their unhappiness. A temporary escape to another world. It makes people forget everything that happened in the cruel reality; by indulging in the illusionary world of books. Every memories of the real world is casted aside. Far far away. There, a new life sprouts. A different story evolves. A transitory swap of identity. They are like a vortex; drawing me into the center. Deeper and deeper. Never wanting to come out again.

Exam period!

Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!Busy!
Insanely busy these few days because of exams. Had been studying non-stop from Tuesday to Thursday. Going crazy soon. Then yesterday was blaw test. I wasn't exactly happy with my performance because I wasn't sure of my answer for most of the parts. And the ethics question is gone for good. But still, there's chance I get an A.

Didn't manage to study yesterday due to an untimely 'eye-pain'. Didn't study much today either and I'm still not getting panic. Why do I have this illusion that I still have time? Someone please wake me up!!!

光明山

This morning, me and my family went to 光明山 to pay respect to my eldest brother. We brought a lot of things there because Chinese New Year is coming. We got off the car at the carpark and headed for the temple. As we walked along the long, uphill pavement, the brown leaves drifted across us like droplets of rain falling down in slow motion. I could even hear the sound of the water flowing down the waterfall beside the road. Because it was so quiet there. There wasn't much people around. It is such a peaceful place.

I lighted incense and prayed to 地藏王普薩, telling him/her our purpose of coming. Then, we laid the vegetarian food, drinks and oranges nicely before the urn and placed the incense there. After that, holding a stick of incense in my hand, we headed to the top floor where his ashes were kept. I was very familiar with the place after coming so many times. Block 3... block 4...block 5 and I turned. I looked up. That was where his ashes were. My brother went to take a movable ladder and climbed up to clean away the dust as I stared motionlessly at the photo. I was overwhelmed with feelings and I could feel that my eyes were wet. I never failed to have this feeling everytime I visit him. I still miss him so much after so many years have passed. Although my memories with him is very limited, I've always wondered how my life would be if he's still around. It would be very very different. Totally different. I looked away, because I know I won't be able to hold back my tears much longer. I don't want my parents to be affected. After a while, we left. As we were walking towards the exit, my father turned over...and I could see that his eyes were red too...

With the incense still in hand, we walked down the stairs, 'leading' him to the first floor where the food was. I put the last incense in the urn and waited for him to eat finish. Then, we took the paper money, clothes etc to the fireplace to be burned. The uncle there threw all of them into the sea of fire and they vanished in the flames. Hope he can receive it.

Last Lesson

This morning went to gym with coach yue yang. We planned to gym for 2hr in the end both of us late, only left 1hr. Ran 4 rounds under the sun and came back soaked. Then we headed for the gym. I played around with the dumbells and now my hand cannot straighten le. omg. After that went to ourspace to study with crystalbrina. The air-con there was so nice. Hah. But sabrina was very irritated then so i left her alone. Meanwhile, did the maec paper there before going for lunch. Sabrina seems okay during lunch. Maybe my iphone saved her.

Felt so tired during the tutorial. When it finally ended, we took our class photo. Feel kinda sad cause it's the last time we will be together as TA02. Had a can't-bear-to-leave feeling. TA02 is a fun class but everybody's probably going separate ways. Will be missing 02.

さよなら! TA02

A Monday with Ups and Downs

This morning wanted to self-study. Thought i will be studying alone at ourspace but saw sabrina and crystal there. Haha. Didn't know that they coming. I was expecting everybody except me to go for the bmgt consultation tutorial but in the end, some didn't go, some stayed at home wait for lunch(lol), some iphoning at ourspace(another lol). I wondered who went for it. I thought the whole class very hardworking de. Probably only sharlynn's and john's group.

Wasted quite some time at ourspace to do admin stuffs and then finally opened bmgt intro slides but just stared at slide no.2. Nothing went into my head. Then, crystal spilled her water into her bag. Haha. Now her calculator become waterproof le. We helped her to clean up. After that went for lunch.

Only 9 person went for the blaw tutorial haha. All freak out because of the email stating "DONT COME IF U NEVER STUDY. COME AND U DIEEE!!!".

After that is DSS test. Everybody rushes for it. Same for me. Managed to reach the venue before it start. But the test was an utter failure. Negative interest wth. Data table with only $1 and $2 wtf. After test chatted with crystalbrina for a while then go home. Too tired to do maec paper. Do tomorrow ba.

Just found out something terrible. Really terrible. Im so dumb. I dunno how to make up for it. Feel very very guilty now.