My Troughs

Back when I was in secondary one, I had a psychology illness. I was afraid of going to school ever since primary school. Every school day morning, I am scared. Phobia-like nervousness before going to school, especially before afternoon classes. The kind that even thinking of the usual activities that me and best friend always do (GBA/Pokemon) before going to school, frightens me.

It worsened in secondary one. The moment I stepped out of my house, I would feel nauseous. Going to school, going to the beach, going to the mall; no exception. Everyday was a torture. Back then, what kept me going was fictitious characters (haha) from naruto, bleach, one piece, harry potter, final fantasy 10, and another one which I couldn't remember......They gave me some sort of strength and I endured this terrible illness. It lasted for months, till about the 1st/2nd term of secondary two.

Every memory of that period I try to recall is, somehow, in grey colour.

The other gloomy period was in 2010. I was dejected, stressed up and feeling despair. I was in solitude. And that was an indescribable torment. My friends are gone......Gone somewhere else, with somebody else. I am left alone here. The worst weeks: I only spoke when I was needed for projects. Other than that, no. My phone was quiet. I am by myself.

Trying to cope with school work was particularly hard in this situation. Staying back alone waiting for Jap lessons every week was hellish and I was a loner in the lessons as well. Thus, I quit after the 2nd sem because I could no longer take it.

Then one day after I somewhat got used to the solitary, I went back to listen to Yui's Life. This time with the lyrics. And I felt better. Much better. I survived by looping the song for days. The song and the singer's story motivated me. My thinking then changed. I know I cannot stay like this forever. I wanted to be like her; I resolved to improve myself no matter how tough it is! So I continued my Jap studies in the 4th semester and started learning piano around august. Gradually, things changed for the better...




YUI - LIFE (PV) from moch. agus safari on Vimeo.