Don't quit

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up though the pace seems slow
You may succeed with another blow,
Success is failure turned inside out
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

You wouldn't answer my calls

Feeling sad all of a sudden

I used to be able to write much more in my post

But now i can't even describe my own feelings

I just want to hide in a corner

Island of Feelings

Once upon a time there was an island where all the feelings lived; 

Happiness, Sadness, Knowledge, and all the others....including Love. 

One day it was announced to all of the feelings that the 

island was going to sink to the bottom of the ocean. 

So all the feelings prepared their boats to leave. 

Love was the only one that stayed. 

She wanted to preserve the island until the last possible moment. 

When the island was almost totally under, 

Love decided it was time to leave. 

She began looking for someone to ask for help. 

Just then Richness was passing by in a grand boat. 

Love asked, "Richness, Can I come with you on your boat?" 

Richness answered, "I'm sorry, but there is a lot of silver and gold on my boat and there would be no room for you." 

Then Love decided to ask Vanity for help who was passing in a beautiful vessel. 

Love cried out, "Vanity, help me please." 

I can't help you", Vanity said, 

"You are all wet and will damage my beautiful boat." 

Next, Love saw Sadness passing by. 

Love said, "Sadness, please let me go with you." 

Sadness answered, "Love, I'm sorry, but, I just need to be alone now." 

Then, Love saw Happiness. Love cried out, 

"Happiness, please take me with you." 

But Happiness was so overjoyed that he didn't hear Love calling to him. 

Love began to cry. Then, she heard a voice say, 

"Come Love, I will take you with me." It was an elder. 

Love felt so blessed and overjoyed that she forgot to ask the elder his name. When they arrived on land the elder went on his way. 

Love realized how much she owed the elder. 

Love then found Knowledge and asked, "Who was it that helped me?" 

"It was Time", Knowledge answered. "But why did Time help me when no one else would?", Love asked. 

Knowledge smiled and with deep wisdom and sincerity, answered, 

"Because only Time is capable of understanding how great Love is."

Thai Insurance - Daddy

Lie to myself and believe

Yea...It's hurting so much

Woke up today heart beating so fast. I was feeling so nervous and afraid. But today is just a normal day. Nothing special about this day......Yet somehow i guessed i know why i am feeling this way



想念是会呼吸的痛
它活在我身上所有角落
哼你爱的歌会痛
看你的信会痛
连沉默也痛

遗憾是会呼吸的痛
它流在血液中来回滚动
后悔不贴心会痛
恨不懂你会痛
想见不能见最痛

有些心情该释放

Today i feel down again.....I seems to like to keep things to myself...Perhaps i don't want to spread my unhappiness around. But then it got me thinking again. Is that the correct way to deal with things?......

Hmm...the night breeze today is so peaceful. I feel like sitting here till it stops......

Different Paths

The 2 weeks in Insead is by far the most enjoyable engagement :)  It was so fun to work in this team. So fun that it didn't feels like I am working anymore. Even though we have to work overtime till 10pm, it wasn't stressful at all. Okay maybe not totally stress-free, but overall I wouldn't have any complains. It may be tiring at times but we talked, we joked, we listened to songs, we cooked 碗面, we ordered Macdonalds, we played a silly prank and we messed around. I also wouldn't forget about running around the place like crazy to search for the missing pass and seeking refuge in the top floor to escape from the boss's nagging. However, time always flies like a jet plane......This engagement ended in a *blink*

After this engagement ended, half of this team went separate ways. It's such a pity. Nevertheless, these memories will stay. It will stay in an untouchable space. Yet I am afraid that my memory may fail me. The images will no doubt fade as time goes by. And we will be living our own life, walking our own paths, fighting for our own dreams. I'm looking at the clouds now......thinking of such a situation. And where each of us would be. Millions of people passes by each other every seconds. But for that 'passer-by' to be someone whom you had fought together with, it would take a rare opportunity.

The song has ended. But the melody still lingers on...

我不难过

Though I already knew, it still hurts when I actually hear it......

You called me again. But i still couldn't bring myself to ask about you. I wanted......but the words couldn't get out of my mouth. I couldn't do anything to comfort you. I'm sorry......



I will do better next time. I promised.

Start of internship

2 weeks of work have passed. It was tiring. Even though there is no longer a need to worry about tutorials and projects, free time at home is still very scarce. Everyday after work i would be too tired to do my own stuffs. But well, work at Ernst & Young is not that bad because there are a lot of friends there. So we could help each other out and feel less 'out-of-place'.

2 days ago, results were out. It wasn't that bad nor was it really good. I've got 2 distinctions for the modules that i really like but i had only maintained my GPA. I had calculated. The maximum score i can get now is 3.7. It sounds hard to get into university and i don't have good CCA record......sigh......

 No career, no studies, no talent, dream seems impossible. Life sux and everybody dies...

Thai Insurance - Father

Last Exams

Well...the last exams are finally over. The next exam would be few years from now (I hope I still have). This semester is sure tough. Nevertheless...it's all over. Years of struggling in school has come to a temporary stop. I changing to the next phrase of life. But the next to come would be the working society. I guess it would be a lot tougher. I just have to become stronger and stronger to face whatever that's coming. I have to prepare myself for the arduous road ahead. I have to give all my best.

There's one week of rest before internship starts. I should make good use of this time. My driving test is on the Thursday, so I'm having daily lessons now. I really have no confidence on it but I have to pass it this time round. Beside that, I would need to brush up on my foreign languages and piano too. I've wasted Monday. So tomorrow have to be a productive day.

Piano Results

My results are out and I'm happy with it. The aural section turned out to be better than usual. I'm surprised. But as usual, my sight-reading really need improvements. Just barely made it for the distinction. And I got the examiner's comments......but who could read her handwriting?! I really couldn't decipher some of the words. But anyway, I know which area I need to buck up on. Time to work hard!!

And I got this as a reward from the school. Haha I like this kind of little decorations. However, I had a hard time assembling it because it was so brittle. I almost broke it twice. But phew, it was completed 'in one piece'. (I sacrificed hours of revision for this!! If it broke, I would have killed someone!!)

One day hah! I would get a real one

Back to the Past

Recently i downloaded this game on my phone. It was a Role-Playing-Game. The settings and interface looks so much like those that i played when i was a kid. It was so nostalgic. It remembered how i used to play Albert Odyssey and Final Fantasy games. Fighting all the monsters, talking to random strangers etc......It was fun. I realized that i really like these RPGs. Looking back, i had gone through dozens of adventures and wonderful story-lines. I had fought alongside with the main characters and had been through a lot together. (haha...) Well, that's because i play games seriously, so they somehow feel like my friends. Every time the games end, i would feel really reluctant. Anyway, these RPGs had made an impact in my life. Hearing the background music again always make me feel like i'm back into the story, back at those times. Sometimes i wish that these stories goes on forever. So i can stay in these colourful worlds for a longer time.

Listen to my story......This may be our last chance.

Last Semester

Things have been so busy this semester. Till the point of craziness. Piano lessons; driving lessons; language lessons; school events. I feel so stretched. My mental strength. I am at my limits. I'm hanging on based solely on my willpower now. Give me strength......

I hope i can achieve this in the future

累，不累

Finally. There is a break. Ever since the previous fortnight, there were so many things to do. I seems to be taking up a lot of leadership position in projects lately. So the time i had to spend on projects would be more since i am obliged to check everybody's work. Not to mention preparation for the mock interview. Which was......lots-of-area-for-improvement. That's a pity. But i had no time to feel sad because i had two presentation in the following week to prepare for. So together with the assignments and also language lessons at night, i had very little time to sleep during the previous week.

What's worse? Common test on that Saturday. So last week, Monday to Friday, was the only time that i tried to read on the bus. Bad experience. On Saturday, i had to wake up at 5.30am to make my way to school for the 8am paper. Ungodly timing. I was feeling insanely terrible that day due to the lack of sleep. And after exam i have to rush back to Seng Kang for my piano lesson. Tough day, tough week. But i had to hang on

This week, was slightly better. There were a few driving lessons, so studying time were compromised, again. Fortunately there were no language and piano classes this week; so i don't have to care about the homework for the time being.

After the last paper on Thursday, everybody seems to be going for celebration. I am heading home straight away. But i didn't feel bad because i am not rotting at home. I'm having a driving lesson in the afternoon. So i'm going back to sleep first. Driving test is coming soon so things would be more of a rush. After the lesson, i slept again till late night. After waking up for a packet of spicy instant noodle, i went back to sleep yet again. I was too tired.

Friday, i had a competition briefing on the audit quiz competition in the morning. But i woke up with a terrible stomachache. I knew it. The instant noodle. However, i had to go for the briefing, aching all the way. But luckily, Korean lesson was cancelled. If not, i had to stay in school till 8pm.

I'll carry you, till death does us apart

 When I got home that night, as my wife served dinner, I held her hands and told her, ‘I've something to tell you’. Again I observed the hurt she had in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore…

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I went straight to bed and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

In the morning, she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she requested that every day for the month's duration that I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door every morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, ‘daddy is holding mommy in his arms’. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, ‘all my dresses have grown bigger’. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, which was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me...she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.

On the last day, when I held her in my arms, I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, ‘I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy’.

I drove to office…jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished. I continued, ‘I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until deaths do us apart’.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, “I'll carry you out every morning until death does us apart.”
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed – passed away……

My wife had been fighting cancer for months but I was too busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would go soon and she wanted to save me from whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce. At least, in the eyes of our son - I'm a loving husband.......

U-Turn

I hope this get made into a movie

It was more than 10 years ago. Auntie came over for the first time to borrow something and to say hi to a new neighbor. I was playing Saga Saturn or something and you joined me. After that we got along quite well. I remembered how we used whistle as a signal to call each other out. How we slacked at each others house daily. How we played Pokemon, Harvest Moon, and other GBA/PS2 games. How we raced with our scooters and bicycles around the neighborhood. How we played block catching, ice & water, hopscotch with the other kids. And also the location of our secret base (even though we didn't really use it). It was all so long ago.

But years later, all of a sudden, we turned distant. We stopped playing Gameboys. We stopped doing all the dumb stuffs with the other neighborhood kids. Gradually, even the windows that was always opened had closed. Now, I passed by your house everyday but i don't see you nor your family anymore. Not even a shadow. Heh...a neighbor that you couldn't even see more than 5 times in half a decade. How ironic. Now i had become used to walking down the corridor without turning my head a slightest bit towards your direction for i know that the windows will always be closed.

Not having a word to say to each other anymore, we pass-by each other as strangers.

It was sad to hear about uncle's illness. He was such a nice and friendly person despite all his tattoos. He would always ask about me when i walked by. I remembered that he always seems to be building things by the corridor. Cabinet, drawers etc. And also the half-a-bedroom size race tracks for our racing cars. But i was at his wake yesterday. He has succumbed to his illness. Rest in Peace.

Mr. Taxi

It's brainwashing!!

It Hurts

Final Theory Test

Sacrificed Bcomm first tutorial and went for my Final Theory Test and e-Trial in the morning. The bus sure take its own sweet time. I couldn't take it after 20 minutes and went to look for a cab. I was praying so hard. "Please! A cab! A cab!" But cab usually doesn't appear in this kind of situation. Curse SBS!! I'm so going to make a complaint after this, just you wait. Same thing happened during Basic Theory e-Trial test but this time i didn't go home. I took another bus instead (Oh darn!! Waste my time!!). And i was late for more than 15 minutes. But fortunately, they let me take the e-Trial test. I was panting madly and i think the others were looking at me. But i had no time to care. I chiong finished the 2 papers within the limited time. It was such a rush.

I made use of the half an hour after that to read through my textbook again and went for the test. Hehh! I was lucky and i got full marks. Then i went to print the result slip. Tsk...but the score doesn't show there. Never mind, it wasn't important.

Sooo...., i have some time before my driving lesson. I went to Compass Point to eat...alone. And shopped around...alone. Oh well...I headed towards rendezvous in Serangoon and had my driving lesson. It was sweltering even in an air-conditioned space. Thank god the lesson ended safely and i headed towards the train station perspiring. I got onto the train, subconsciously. And the next thing i know was that i heard "Next station: Boon Keng."

Oh damn......

Diary | 16 Apr 2011 | Saturday

The Infamous Zombie's Brain Sap!!

Haha. It's actually just some weird tasting fruit juice. The dinner tonight was awesome. Especially the Japanese cod. $12 a small plate but it was really nice. Only one plate was ordered and it was shared. So it was precious. The Beijing Roast Duck was nice too and i ate quite a few hehe. The sauce and the skin. I can't have enough. The scallop and tofu was delicious too. It's been a while since i had such a meal.

Diary | 29 Mar 2011 | Tuesday

Today's quite a rush. Went to school early in the morning for an optional class. Six students turned up. That's a little sad. The college student from Osaka University came and gave us some revision. It was quite fun though. Then we had lunch with all the 'sensei(s)' before showing her around the school. After the tour, we sent her back to her office. It was 2pm already. I rushed to the bus stop to catch the bus. On the way, I alighted to buy the FTT textbook and went to another bus stop for Bus 51. Luckily, there was Transfer Rebate. If not it will be very expensive. So 51 went to Hougang Interchange and I took the train to Compass Point. I shopped at Compass Point for a while and then took the bus home. There was Transfer Rebate again hah.

Rested for no more than 20 minutes and I have to be on my way to driving lessons. Haiz. Tiring. When you see your bed but can't lie on it. Got to rush to the bus stop again and there's still rebates for me haha. But I was late for the lesson. Nevertheless, it was fun...

Salty Coffee

He met her at a party. She was so outstanding, many guys chasing after her, while he was so normal, nobody paid attention to him.

At the end of the party, he invited her to have coffee with him. She was surprised but because she was polite, she promised. They sat in a nice coffee shop, he was too nervous to say anything, she felt uncomfortable, and she thought to herself, "Please, let me go home..."

Suddenly he asked the waiter, "Would you please give me some salt? I'd like to put it in my coffee." Everybody stared at him, so strange! His face turned red but still, he put the salt in his coffee and drank it. 

She asked him curiously, "Why you have this hobby?" He replied, "When I was a little boy, I lived near the sea, I liked playing in the sea, I could feel the taste of the sea, just like the taste of the salty coffee. Now every time I have the salty coffee, I always think of my childhood, think of my hometown, I miss my hometown so much, I miss my parents who are still living there." While saying that, tears filled his eyes.

She was deeply touched. That's his true feeling, from the bottom of his heart. A man who can tell out his homesickness. He must be a man who loves home, cares about home, has responsibility of home ... Then she also started to speak, spoke about her faraway hometown, her childhood, her family.

That was a really nice talk, also a beautiful beginning of their love story. They continued to date. She found out that he was a man who meets all her demands; he had tolerance, was kind hearted, warm, careful. He was such a good person but she almost missed him! Thanks to his salty coffee!

Then the story was just like every beautiful love story, the princess married to the prince, and then they were living the happy life ... And, every time she made coffee for him, she put some salt in the coffee, as she knew that's the way he liked it.

After 40 years, he passed away, left her a letter which said,
"My dearest, please forgive me, forgive my whole life's lie. This was the only lie I said to you---the salty coffee. Remember the first time we dated? I was so nervous at that time, actually I wanted some sugar, but I said salt. It was hard for me to change so I just went ahead. I never thought that could be the start of our communication! I tried to tell you the truth many times in my life, but I was too afraid to do that, as I have promised not to lie to you for anything... Now I'm dying, so I tell you the truth, I don't like the salty coffee, what a strange bad taste... But I have had the salty coffee for my whole life! Since I knew you, I never feel sorry for anything I do for you. Having you with me is my biggest happiness for my whole life. If I can live for the second time, still want to know you and have you for my whole life, even though I have to drink the salty coffee again."

Her tears made the letter totally wet.

One day, someone asked her, "What's the taste of salty coffee?"
 

She replied, "It's sweet."

A Millionaire's First Love

This is so touching. I still can't get over it. I need something to cheer me up.

If

Loveless

One Person

Post Exam

Exam's over for a week now. But things were still as busy. I studied and took my ABRSM examination last Saturday. It was easy and I'm not the only teenager there hah :).  The theory is easy but my practical skills still need improvements.

This whole week i have Japanese lessons from 9-1. Crash course!! Feels tough but still manageable currently. Then after school, i have been running around trying to sell my old phone for a good price. It has followed me for a long time and it's quite sad. Mister, please find yourself a new owner. I hope he will treat you as well as i do. I will be polishing you one last time. Take care.

Shall work harder.

Kiss the rain

Silent

From the very beginning, the girl's family objected strongly about her dating this guy. Saying that it has got to do with family background and that the girl will have to suffer for the rest of her life if she were to be with him.

Because of the family's pressure, the couple quarrel very often. Though the girl love the guy deeply, but she always ask him: "How deep is your love for me?" 

As the guy is not good with words, this often causes the girl to be very upset. With that and the family's pressure, the girl often vents her anger on him. As for him, he only endures it in silence.

After a couple of years, the guy finally graduated and decided to further his studies overseas. Before leaving, he proposed to the girl: "I'm not very good with words. But all I know is that I love you. If you allow me, I will take care of you for the rest of my life. As for your family, I'll try my best to talk them round. Will you marry me?"

The girl agreed, and with the guy's determination, the family finally gave in and agreed to let them get married. So before he left, they got engaged.

The girl went out to work, whereas the guy was overseas, continuing his studies. They sent their love through emails and phone calls. Though it was hard, they never thought of giving up.

One day, while the girl was on her way to work, she was run over by a car that lost control. When she woke up, she saw her parents beside her bed. She realized that she was badly injured. Seeing her mum crying, she wanted to comfort her. But she realized that all that could come out of her mouth was just a sigh. She has lost her voice....

The doctor said that the impact on her brain has caused her to lose her voice. Listening to her parents' comfort, but with nothing coming out from her, she broke down.

During the stay in hospital, besides silent cry ... it was still just silent cry that companied her. Upon reaching home, everything seems to be the same. Except for the ringing tone of the phone. Which pierced into her heart every time it rang. She does not wish to let the guy know. Not wanting to be a burden to him, she wrote a letter to him saying that she does not wish to wait any longer.

With that, she sent the ring back to him. In return, the guy sent millions and millions of replies, and countless of phone calls ... but all the girl could do was more crying....

The parents decided to move away, hoping that she could eventually forget everything and be happy. With a new environment, the girl learned sign language and started a new life, telling herself everyday that she must forget the guy.
 
One day, her friend came and told her that he's back. She asked her friend not to let him know what happened to her. Since then, there wasn't any more news of him. A year has passed and her friend came with an envelope containing an invitation card for the guy's wedding. The girl was shattered.
 
When she opened the letter, she saw her name in it instead.

When she was about to ask her friend what's going on, she saw the guy standing in front of her. He used sign language telling her "I've spent a year's time to learn sign language. Just to let you know that I've not forgotten our promise. Let me have the chance to be your voice. I Love You."

Basic Theory

Last week, i was late for my eTrial test because of poor planning. I decided to turn back and skipped the whole test. Wasted money and time. But i found out that my time planning need serious improvement. If that was the real test......i would be damned. So today i went early and reached 45 minutes before the test. Then i read through the textbook again before going in for the test. It shocked me when i found out the passing grade was 45/50. Fortunately, i was done in 15 minutes and i passed. God blessed me.

Accpac test tomorrow and i don't know what to study. No motivation and momentum. Viewpoint project due tomorrow also and lots of thing still need to be done. Well......sleep well tonight.

每一次回来都会非常舍不得。一年之内，只有新年可以跟大家聚在一起，聊天，玩。没压力，没工作。可是恐怕，这些日子只会随着岁月和人的成长而慢慢减少。年纪越大，学业和工作就只会越来越多，时间也只会越来越少。大家都会忙自己的事，不像小时候了。

新年

这次新年不如去年的开心。这次一直跟着哥哥的行程走，结果什么都没做到，浪费了很多时间。还是妈妈厉害。一早就溜去三姨家。她在那儿比在新加坡还要开心。当然啦，那里这样热闹又不用担心工作，是会过得比较愉快。我们应该去那边住个一百二十年。

That Man